Concerns of a Seventh Grade Girl

In retrospect, I'm grateful to have a good story to tell; however, at the time, I was mortified.

My sister and I had been awake into the wee hours of the morning talking. "You know he's going to want to kiss you tomorrow."

I rolled onto my side and propped my head up with my hand. In the moon light, I could make out her outline. She was looking toward me. "I don't know. He is really shy. You know we were going together for a whole week before he held my hand at school." The thought of kissing made me quesy. "Let's not talk about it anymore. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The morning proved to be sunny and fine for our trip to the beach. I called my boyfriend to tell him we'd be there to pick him up in thirty minutes. It seemed like a long time away, but only because my sister was coming up with a whole host of things for me to worry about.

"Do you think your dad will fart in front of him?" She asked.

"Oh my gosh, I hope not."

"He does it in front of everyone else and it is so loud."

"I'd die."

"You could ask him not to." she suggested.

"Then he'd know I was worried about it and do it for sure."

The situation appeared hopeless. I never believed that my father would take pity on me and behave himself. He'd already threatened to "give that boy a talkin' to."

My parents had never met him, so I'm sure they were curious. As he walked toward the car, my step mother commented, "He's awfully cute."

It was true. He was adorable. He had sandy blond hair and an easy smile. Those were just the perks, because his greatest asset was his kindhearted personality.

"Hi," he said, looking toward the front seat. "Thanks for driving all the way out here to pick me up." He sat on the seat next to me and pulled the door closed. He put his hand on mine. "I'm happy to see you."

Everything seemed easier at the beach. We swam and frolicked in the shallows, staying well out of ear shot of my father. It was a flawless day.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" He asked. From behind his back my sister gave me the big eyes.

"Sure. Yeah, that sounds fine."

My stomach rose into my chest and my heartless sister began to laugh."You guys should check out that trail over there. It goes along the woods to the other side of the lake." She was devious.

The path was shady and mild. The birch trees made a rushing sound as the wind blew and I felt that the sound was coming right out of my chest. We arrived at a fork in the trail and paused to consider which path to follow. Facing me he took both of my hands in his and I knew the moment had come. He was going to kiss me. He leaned close to me and I closed my eyes. I could feel that his face was very near my own. The moment had arrived and as I breathed in my last breath as an unkissed girl, I began to choke. I started gasping and hacking. Confused, I moved my hand to my mouth and coughed something out. Oh, it was horrible. In my hand, which was palm up between the two of us, crawled a yellow and black beetle covered in my saliva. I was frozen by the horror of the situation, but with a gentle swish of the back of his hand, he swept the beetle onto the ground. Smooth as ever, he leaned down and kissed me anyway.

What REALLY Happens When You Exercise

I want to revisit the subject of exercise. I've made a few observations and feel they're worthy of recording.

1. No one ever wants to start exercising after enjoying a lifestyle of sloth.

2. "Because it's good for you" will never convince a person they should start exercising. You have to appeal to their vanity or remind them that one day they're going to die and if they don't get on the wagon, they'll get run down by it.

3. Once a person starts an exercise routine and sticks with it, they morph into an alien.

I feel the need to pause and discuss number three. Somewhere around week three euphoria sets in. You feel your entire life has a beautiful new veneer. You look better, your clothes fit, and your friends start to notice a difference in your appearance. You feel enlightened. You realize that the answer to any difficult question is exercise. Everyone should exercise. Your natural inclination is to start badgering your friends about their exercise routines. You can't help it. Someone says, "I've been having trouble with my back." A response leaps out of you, "You need to exercise." You continue, "I used to have the same problem, but now I exercise. It changed my life." You're no longer satisfied with just being healthy yourself, you have to assimilate others. Someone says, "My kids are stressing me out." You say, "you should try exercise." "I get headaches a lot" leads straight to "You need an exercise routine." "My dog won't stop crapping on my living room rug." Clearly, your dog needs to exercise.

Exercise is always the right answer.

4. Once you have become committed to an exercise program, you live in fear of illness or injury. Really, you are fearful of anything that might knock you off the wagon, because face it, you like being an alien.

5. Exercising regularly makes you want to go to the doctor for your annual physical. Every other year you've gotten the lecture from your doc about how you're NOT exercising, so this year you're ready to really stick it to him. This, of course, opens the door to ask him about HIS exercise routine.

6. Finally, exercising will tell you who your real friends are. You'll separate the wheat from the chaff. Your fair weather friends will simply avoid the new you, while your real friends will tell you outright that you've become a complete pain in the butt. You will hear such loving phrases as "shut up about your exercise, we don't care" or "you can only come in if you're not going to talk about those stupid workout videos" or "no, I don't want to see your ab muscles again."

There they are. Six shining reasons to start your own exercise program. Notice how they started out as observations, but they have become reasons to exercise. I can't help it, the aliens got me fair and square.

Exercise is always the right answer.